Performed by adam sandler and allen covert

Richie: "so ya doin' good?"
Samantha: "ya, i'm fine, how 'bout you?"
Richie: "how good could i be? i haven't seen you in three hours."
Samantha: "ohhh, richie. hey richie, my dad's down the hall, and he doesn't want me on the phone. so if i hang up on you, it's just because he's coming."
Richie: "ok. so look, uh, do you wanna meet at the spring fling dance thi..."
[she hangs up phone]

[phone rings]
Richie: "hello?"
Samantha: "sorry, i thought he was coming."
Richie: "that's ok. so, about the dance. do you wanna meet
Samantha: "umm, well my brother gets the car on friday nights."
Richie: "well that's ok, i'll come by and get you. lets say around..."
[she hangs up phone]
Richie: "come on.."

[phone rings]
Richie: "hey."
Samantha: "sorry. i guess he was just going to the bathroom."
Richie: "that's ok. well look, uh.. what was i saying? oh yeah, should i pick you up at like seven-thirty or maybe do you wanna go later when the dance is really kickin.."
[she hangs up the phone again]
Richie: "give me a break..."

[phone rings]
Richie: "hello."
Samantha: "sorry. it was just my dog."
Richie: "hey, what's your dad's problem anyways!? why can't we talk?"
Samantha: "he just thinks i'm on the phone too much. oh my god, uh, i gotta go."
Richie: "don't hang up!"
Samantha: "richie, i can't talk!"
Richie: "no, i'm sick of this! put your dad on the phone! i wanna talk to him."
Samantha: "it's not my dad."
Richie: "what? well, who's there? why can't you talk?"
Samantha: "uh, just look richie, someone is here."
Richie: "who's there? is it a guy!?"
Samantha: "richie!"
Richie: "i knew it! i'll kill him! put him on the phone!"
Samantha: "oh.. it's just.. hold on."

[hands phone to guy]
Richie: "hey man! what the hell are you doing there!? samantha's my girl!
You'd better stay away from her or i'll make you wish you were never born!"
Buffoon: "fuckin' shit!"
Richie: "yeah, fuckin' shit is right buddy! don't think i'm kidding around, man! i'm crazy! i'll smash your head in! i swear to god!"
Buffoon: "one time i saw my grandmother in the shower. her bush starts above her belly button."
Richie: "yeah, well that's too bad! but i'm still gonna come over there and beat your face in!"
[richie slams down phone]

Samantha: "what happened? was he mad?"
Buffoon: "my neighbor's dog has a four inch clit!"
Samantha: "oh buffoon, you're the coolest." [whispering] "i love you..."