I've been married, and married, and often i've sighed
"i'm never a bridesmaid, i'm always a bride"

I never divorced them, i hadn't the heart
Yet remember these sweet words, "`till death do us part"

I married many men, a ton of them
Because i was untrue to none of them
Because i bumped off every one of them
To keep my love alive

Sir paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me
At night he was a horse's neck to me
So i performed an appendectomy
To keep my love alive

Sir thomas had insomnia, he couldn't sleep at night
I bought a little arsenic, he's sleeping now all right

Sir philip played the harp, i cussed the thing
I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing
And now he plays where harps are just the thing
To keep my love alive
To keep my love alive

(bridge)

I thought sir george had possibilities
But his flirtations made me ill at ease
And when i'm ill at ease, i kill at ease
To keep my love alive

Sir charles came from a sanitorium
And yelled for drinks in my emporium
I mixed one drink, he's in memorium
To keep my love alive

Sir francis was a singing bird, a nightingale, that's why
I tossed him off my balcony, to see if he, could fly

Sir atherton indulged in fratricide,
He killed his dad and that was patricide
One night i stabbed him by my mattress-side
To keep my love alive
To keep my love alive
To keep my love alive