Well, i woke up in the morning
There's frogs inside my socks
Your mama, she's a-hidin'
Inside the icebox
Your daddy walks in wearin'
A napoleon bonaparte mask
Then you ask why i don't live here
Honey, do you have to ask?

Well, i go to pet your monkey
I get a face full of claws
I ask who's in the fireplace
And you tell me santa claus
The milkman comes in
He's wearing a derby hat
Then you ask why i don't live here
Honey, how come you have to ask me that?

Well, i asked for something to eat
I'm hungry as a hog
So i get brown rice, seaweed
And a dirty hot dog
I've got a hole
Where my stomach disappeared
Then you ask why i don't live here
Honey, i gotta think you're really weird.

Your grandpa's cane
It turns into a sword
Your grandma prays to pictures
That are pasted on a board
Everything inside my pockets
Your uncle steals
Then you ask why i don't live here
Honey, i can't believe that you're for real.

Well, there's fist fights in the kitchen
They're enough to make me cry
The mailman comes in
Even he's gotta take a side
Even the butler
He's got something to prove
Then you ask why i don't live here
Honey, how come you don't move?