Fat as i am.
Who wants to see a diva fat as i am?
I get mistaken now for lainie kazan.
How is it that i'm fat as i am?

Fat as i am.
The camera's gonna add a ton to my can.
This is the way they say godzilla began.
How did i get as fat as i am?

"try it again."
All of my friends say i should diet again;
That all my fans are gonna riot again.
"look what happened to liz."

All of my sins
Are not as numerous as . . . all of my chins!
I could audition for the doublemint twins.
No one in the biz is as fat as i is.

Ah, but what's a career
When you put it next to knockwurst and beer?
They could park a dc10 on my rear.
God knows i got the gas!

There goes the chair.
But to tell the truth, i'm too fat to care!
I ate a meatball off the floor right over there.
Ah, you don't give a damn
When you're fat as i am!