(tom meltzer)

If my life was a movie i'd want to be jackie chan
Cause humor grace and honor are the marks of a man
My fights would all be glorious, my smile would melt girls' hearts
I'd be the toast of hong kong, my songs would top the charts


But i am what i am and that's all i am
That's all i can stand cause i can't stands no more


If my life was a silent film i'd want to be buster keaton
I'd embrace the blues and in the process i'd defeat them
I'd have no fight with gravity, i'd do just as i please
I'd tumble down each flight of stairs with the greatest of ease


Chorus

If my life was a cartoon i'd want to be the popeye the sailor
I'd have a damsel in distress and i would never fail her
I'd mutter something clever then i'd knock bluto cold
I'd be a one-eyed mumbling crazy thug with a heart of gold


And all my problems would be solved because i eat my greens
My life it would be measured out in well-constructed scenes
I'd have drama without tragedy, anger without pain
Love without loneliness, hey, i would not complain


Chorus