U like the food here?
(yeah)
Good, huh?
(it's alright)
Try the canolli, it's fabulous
(i'm kinda full, alright)
Mmm
U gonna eat that meatball there?
U, u just gonna let it...
Maybe girl made some food out here
Here, give it 2 me
U're not gonna eat it
(at least not now)
Mmm, let's see what i can get up here 2 grease on
Mmm, yeah
Best meatball in the city
What are u doin' there?
Hmm, this might work
(give it 2 me, i'll eat it)
Lemme see, mmm
So tell me, u like broads?
(they're alright, i...)
Yep
Boy, have i got a broad story 4 u
Yeah, some corn, yeah
(jesus)
Let's see, uh
I'm on a date with this broad, right?
Lets' see, stove top directions, uh
I bring her here
(here?)
Yeah, right here
I thought i'd put some food in her belly
Empty contents into small sauce pan, hmm
U know, get a little curve in her slope
U know what i'm sayin?
(slope?)
Right...
Now let me go see if i can find one of these muthafuckers, hmm
(oh, gosh)
So i'm like "go ahead toots, order what u like, it's on me"
Make her think i'm a big shot, u know
I said "so order, order somethin' 4 me 2
I'm gonna run 2 the little boys room
Hmm, shit, that definitely ain't no sauce pan
I gotta burp the baby
Mmm, that ain't no sauce pan
U know what i'm sayin'?"
I figured she'd order me somethin' light
Let me see if i can find this shit
Like a couple of salads or somethin'
Boy, was that a mistake
(why?)
I comes back from the bathroom
Alright, got it, got it
I'm sittin' there
Ah, that's cool
Waitin' 4 the food
Now, if i can just get this corn open
This broad ordered the whole left side of the menu!
Ok, let's see
Said she just wanted 2 nibble
Where's the damn can opener? shit!
Nibble my ass
I'll open this muthafucker
I'm hungry!
This broad ate every fuckin' thing except the silverware
Shit ain't openin'
(come on)
I kid u not
{phone rings}
Shit's gonna open now
I mean, she was a little on the thick side 2 begin with
Alright, i got it, mmm hmm
U know what i mean?
But i figured she'd have the decency 2 pig out when she got home
Talk
(hey brother, what's up?)
Not here, right?
(right)
I mean u, u ever had a broad do that?
Ain't nothin' but a wang
(no, not really)
Fuckin' pisses u off, am i right?
My girl's gone somewhere
Right, so i reaches over
I... i'm just cookin'
I took the fuckin' mashed potatoes and i threw 'em all over that broad
Hey, hey, what's this?
(now wait a minute)
That ain't all though, check this out
Hmm, let me call u back
(what?)
The waiter sees what just happened
What the...
He's gonna be mr. macho, right
He comes over and says
"what u do that 4?"
"i'm sick of the changes u put me through?"
(and u said?)
I said "what the fuck business is it of yours?
I'm payin' 4 these fuckin' potatoes
"all u think about is music?"
I'll do what the fuck i wanna do with'em!
Now bring me a fuckin' finger bowl!"
"i'm leavin' your nba no ballin' ass?"
(what happened?)
What happened?
I'll tell u what happened
Ain't that a bitch?
Here, gimme some of that meatball
(hey, hey, i was gonna eat that)
This punk waiter, he think he's the hero type, right
Punk
He throws the finger bowl on my head
I kid u not
I'm sittin' there, head soakin' wet
Mashed potatoes in my finger nails
And this broad's crackin' up
(ha ha ha ha)
I kid u not
She's rollin' on the carpet, people...
Gimme some water there
(hey, hey, get...)
People leavin' the restaurant
She's laughin' so hard potatoes are flyin' off her head
(u got mad?)
Damn right i was mad!
I said, "very funny"
(well, it is kinda funny)
And i left her fuckin' ass right there
Rollin' in those fuckin' mashed potatoes
And i left this joint with out payin' a dime
(well, what are u eatin' here now 4 i mean?)
That's the killer!
I was so mad i bought this joint
(but the girl...)
Fuckin' right
(what happened 2 her, man?)
That's her over there, workin' the fuckin' cash register
(naw, her?)
U gonna eat this?
(that's the mashed potato girl?)
Here, gimme this bread
(she's, she's great, what do u mean?)
Is this the best bread in the city or what?
What the fuck's your problem?
(look at her, she's, she's gorgeous)
U eat like a fuckin' parakeet
(what...)
I'm still hungry
U hungry?
(naw, naw)
Naw, u not hungry
U want some bird seed or somethin'?
Look here, order me somethin'!
(man, shut up now)
I'm gonna run 2 the little boys room