I was sitting in a diner
With a girl named flo
She wouldn't say yes
But she couldn't say no
She said "darling, can i get a middle man?"
She was engaged to a fellow
On the lay a way plan
But she carried all her money
In a coffee can
She said "darling, can i get a middle man?"
The cook looked over
With a short order face
Dropped a fork
And he saw flo's legs
Straightened his apron
And burnt my eggs
I got competition
Everywhere i go
These days

She was leaning on the juke box
And was lookin' real good
Like natalie wood
On a pontiac hood
I said "darling, i think i need a little hand"
Ya see, i've seen my downs
I've seen my ups
I seen miniature dogs
In coffee cups
But "darling i ain't never seen a middle man"

Flo talked slow
Like real wet paint
She said
"a middle man's there
When the other ones ain't
He's got a left handed manner
That leans to the right
Sleeps all day
And keeps it up all night ..."
... i got an aunt in ohio
And a boat that won't row
Some veterans insurance
And nowhere to go
"darling, can i be your middle man?"

(spoken)
If i could get the money in that coffee can
I could open me up a lemonade stand
Send all the kids off to pakistan
Make flo happy
If i can

Jerry mahoney and johnny b. goode
Are gonna buy me a house in hollywood
"darling i think i got the perfect plan"
"we're gonna save half a dollars
And sell 'em to france
Buy us a record
And learn how to dance
And darling i'll always be your middle
Darling go buy a griddle
Darling i wanna be your middle man